In the human psyche, trauma lurks like an unseen specter, casting long shadows over our daily lives and even entire communities. A new wave of therapeutic and alternative interventions has emerged in response to the complexity of trauma. At the forefront of these alternative therapies is Bonnie Wirth, an esteemed empowerment coach and spiritual medium whose innovative approach draws from the spiritual journey she undertook years ago to heal her own compounded trauma and complex PTSD.
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Often, the impact of unresolved trauma is a silent burden, its effects rippling beneath the surface, shaping behaviors, thoughts, and emotions in ways that remain obscure to our conscious understanding.
Unresolved trauma can stealthily infiltrate various aspects of life—from personal relationships to professional performance, from mental health to physical well-being. It can distort perception, hinder emotional growth, and even manifest as various psychological and somatic ailments.
In the depths of her struggle, Bonnie discovered the profound ability to connect with and receive guidance from the non-physical realm, showcasing her resilience and openness to the mysteries of existence. Now, she uses that guidance to help women journey toward clarity and peace.
Instead of being a sanctuary of innocence, abundance, and joy, Bonnie’s childhood was marred by the shadows of abuse and turmoil. Her father’s violent, alcoholic outbursts and her mother’s punitive measures set the stage for an early life filled with fear, pain, shame, and confusion.
The agony of her upbringing was compounded by experiences that would break many, let alone a child. She watched her siblings suffer various forms of abuse and believed there was no recourse, at times blaming herself for an incomprehensible situation. At the tender age of six, grappling with misguided guilt and desperation, Bonnie attempted suicide. This heart-wrenching act was a precursor to years of further abuse, creating deep emotional scars that would take decades to heal.
From an early age, already feeling unmistakably different from her peers, Bonnie had sensed a profound connection to the non-physical world. She recounts this deeply intimate experience, expressing a sentiment familiar to many sensitive to the spiritual realm.
“I remember feeling like I didn’t really fit in; I felt like the weird kid in the group, so to speak. I had trouble finding a sense of belonging anywhere—even in the scope of my own family.”
Bonnie always felt like a misunderstood outsider and did not know how to “bridge or create relationships with people the same way that it seemed possible for others.”
“I always felt different from other people, like an outsider looking in. This made me feel not only alone in the world but also deeply rejected. As a child, I was bullied in school, so this, combined with my sensitivity to the spiritual world, deepened my feelings of isolation and alienation.”
Bonnie frequently sensed or saw spirits around her, with some encounters being unsettling while others quite comforting. These experiences were disorienting since she was still trying to survive through her unpredictable circumstances.
Despite the despair, Bonnie’s life was punctuated by moments of grace—individuals who showed her kindness and empathy. From a caring nurse to an understanding teacher, these human angels helped Bonnie navigate her darkest times. They provided glimpses of hope and demonstrated that compassion still existed amidst her suffering.
After a deeply moving and surreal experience following the loss of her beloved grandmother, Bonnie tried to share with those close to her the extent of her spiritual abilities.
“The first time that I experienced death personally was when my grandma passed away—in the sense of a close relationship or a connected loss to me. As Catholics, we held a prayer vigil the night before the funeral service, and I could see my grandma lying in the casket and standing beside the casket, smiling at me at the same time. It was a really profound and somewhat bizarre experience.”
This extraordinary encounter led to her confiding a message she received from her grandmother to her grandfather a few days later— a conversation that would leave an indelible mark on her.
“I went up to him and said, ‘Grandpa, are you sad about grandma?’ to which he replied, ‘Yes.’ Then I said, ‘Well, she wants me to tell you that she’s okay, she’s healthy now and she’s dancing.’”
Her grandfather’s reaction to this sweet message was far from what she had hoped.
“He firmly replied, ‘Don’t you ever say something so ridiculous to me again,’ For me, it was that shock of the word ‘ridiculous’ that made it feel like there was something wrong with me, something to be ashamed of. This was not accepted by a man I revered and loved so deeply.”
This interaction was a stark awakening for Bonnie, leading her to the realization that her experiences were not universally shared or accepted, and it instilled in her a deep sense of needing to hide this part of herself. Having felt shame and rejection all her life, she struggled with his words.
Bonnie explains that these turbulent beginnings are a common thread among mediums.
“Like for many mediums, there was a scope of fear and resistance, a scope of denial, where I even began to wonder about my own sanity. Accepting this gift wasn’t something that happened until later in my life. Even though I had experiences with the spirit world throughout my early childhood and adolescence, I never spoke or talked about it. It was another secret that I held on to.”
In response to this internal conflict and external rejection, Bonnie attempted to pretend she was “normal,” resisting that part of herself. Meanwhile, she continued to live a life ripe with discord.
In 2008, Bonnie embarked on a transformative journey after she reached a breaking point. By this time, Bonnie was married and had become the mother of three children. Though her life seemed happy from the outside, the effects of trauma had been festering within for years. She was in a state of intense psychological, spiritual, emotional, and physical crisis where she was contemplating suicide, just as she had several times before.
“My past was monopolizing my present. It was as if all my traumas, everything that had happened, and what I had witnessed and experienced were colliding inside of me. I was having panic attacks and was dissociative. I was severely depressed, having nightmares, and grappling with feelings of shame and unworthiness. I was operating on autopilot and really struggling to cope. I knew that if things didn’t shift or change, I couldn’t go on living. I was contemplating suicide. I looked at my life and what it had become. I had three beautiful babies and knew they deserved better from me.”
Realizing the profound impact her loss would have on her children, she reached an impasse. She prayed for purpose, a plea that eventually changed the course of her life.
“I said, ‘God, you need to either take me from this life or make everything that I’ve been through mean something because I cannot do this anymore.”
She says that soon after, through a series of synchronicities, her prayer was answered. Notably, an opportunity presented itself where she had the chance to work with Bob Proctor, a New York Times bestselling author and world-renowned self-help coach. She was also introduced to the world of energy medicine during this time and began to explore various healing modalities that resonated deeply with her.
“I started to recognize and understand that I had more power and say over my life than perhaps what I had ever felt or understood possible before. It was like all these moving puzzle pieces began to come together to create a beautiful picture for my life.”
Despite her best efforts previously to suppress the spiritually attuned part of herself, Bonnie says she could never fully achieve this, which only made her feel more fragmented. She grappled with self-acceptance during her trauma recovery journey but eventually discovered that her abilities refused to stay repressed and dormant.
“What started to happen was that as I began to heal my woundedness, the spirit world became more active and present than I had previously experienced. Once I started feeling better and happier, once I began to find a sense of peace in my life and over my past, my connection became more pronounced. It was like I couldn’t deny this part of me any longer.”
Traditional therapy had provided little solace for Bonnie. It was through alternative healing and the mentorship of another gifted medium and healer that Bonnie found a path to mending her broken spirit. This unconventional approach opened her to new possibilities, helping her to process her pain and embrace her unique gifts.
Working in alternative therapy, Bonnie embraced a holistic approach to healing, nurturing her mind, body, heart, and soul. She describes this journey as an act of “absolute surrender to a higher power,” where her most desperate prayers were answered amidst her darkest moments. “It got really dark before it got light,” she admits.
She gradually realized that her mediumistic abilities were an intrinsic aspect of her identity and underwent a profound spiritual awakening. Her innate connection with the spiritual realm, initially a source of fear and confusion, gradually became a cornerstone of her healing journey. Reflecting on her life, Bonnie sees a pattern of transformative experiences, each representing an opportunity for enlightenment and personal growth.
“When I start to consider my life and all the death opportunities that I was presented with—whether thoughts of my own suicide, struggles with physical health, or even while giving birth to my daughter—I see all these moments as opportunities. They provided me with the chance to gain greater awareness, to become more enlightened, and to evolve. They also served as opportunities to transform and transcend anything that had previously happened in my life. They were a part of what became a purpose for me. This was my prayers being answered.”
As Bonnie healed herself, her focus turned outward. Meditating on her own life and how she lived it, her intention extended to how she could help and heal others.
“It was a catalyst for a progression of things that played out and happened that ultimately led to profound changes in my life and in the lives of others. It started with a deep, compelling feeling of wanting to help other people with my gift. Not only to help people better understand themselves but also to facilitate the healing I knew was possible because of what I experienced firsthand.”
With the help of Proctor, she was introduced to concepts like the power of thought, the natural laws of the universe, and “how we have the power to create our own reality,” she says. Emphasizing the importance and potential of this way of thinking, she delved into metaphysical concepts of intentional living. It ignited a sense of hope and empowerment, driving her to share this with her fellow human beings.
Bonnie now offers various services, including life coaching, transformational retreats, keynote speaking, mentorship and a vast catalog of courses. Her work emphasizes reconnecting with one’s most authentic self to rediscover innate resilience and worthiness. Her exceptional capacity to connect with the unseen world assists in addressing the underlying emotional struggles of her clients, overcoming their woundedness, and thus supporting them to make positive, sustainable changes in their lives.
She presents an innovative method that seamlessly blends spiritual insights with personal development, elevating the experience well beyond the conventional techniques typically associated with traditional coaching. Her practice embodies a profound philosophy: genuine transformation unfolds when individuals bravely face and mend their emotional and spiritual wounds. This journey paves the way for a more prosperous, more authentic life, inviting everyone to embrace their true selves.
“We are spiritual beings having a human experience; our spirit is for expression and expansion, yearns for connection, and when our past experiences and beliefs about ourselves hinder that—when we are burdened by unresolved pain—our spiritual self suffers.”
Bonnie believes that the journey through life is often marred by spiritual disconnection and unresolved trauma, which she identifies as the underlying causes of the suffering many individuals experience. She posits that these blockages can lead to cycles of negativity, anxiety, and even physical ailments, highlighting the fascinating connection between the body and the spirit’s equilibrium.
Unlike traditional coaching, which primarily focuses on setting goals, developing strategies, and cultivating a positive mindset, Bonnie’s method begins at the heart of the issue, encouraging clients to uncover and release emotional and spiritual blocks they may not be aware of.
“By tapping into spiritual insights, I can guide my clients to explore the root causes of their challenges and suffering. This deeper understanding is crucial for lasting personal growth.”
As a medium, Bonnie connects with the unseen world, communicating with loved ones who have passed, but notably, she also communicates with light beings of higher consciousness. This connection allows her to guide clients in a way that breaks through immediate material barriers, helping them align with their soul’s purpose. She draws from this universal wisdom to give her clients insights that illuminate and interpret their experiences. Upon this genuine and crucial understanding, she builds a plan to help her client through different modalities she has expertise in. Many of these insights would remain unearthed to those who have not taken time to nurture a bond with the spiritual realm.
“Accessing universal wisdom is one of the most enlightening aspects of my role as a medium. I often channel insights that transcend ordinary understanding, offering my clients clarity about their life purpose, relationships, and the challenges they face.”
Through this mediumship, she also helps clients understand pre-incarnation agreements—the lessons and experiences their souls have chosen for this lifetime. Understanding these agreements, Bonnie explains, can provide profound clarity about life’s challenges and relationships, allowing individuals to navigate them with a sense of empowerment rather than confusion or frustration. This process often leads to breakthroughs in self-awareness, enabling clients to release old patterns or inherited conditioning and embrace their journey with a renewed perspective.
One of the most transformative aspects of Bonnie’s work is the way she fosters emotional resilience and spiritual growth in her clients. She emphasizes the importance of addressing emotional wounds, which, when left unhealed, can cause a “suffering spirit.” This suffering spirit, she explains, is a spiritual being trapped in the shadows of past traumas and unable to connect fully with the light of joy, love, and purpose. Bonnie helps her clients confront these unresolved pains, assisting them in releasing the negative energy that has held them back, ultimately restoring the flow of energy and reconnection with their spiritual essence.
“Providing a safe and supportive space, I help them process and release these emotions, promoting a greater sense of inner peace and authentic emotional resilience.”
Her clients often report feeling a deep sense of peace and empowerment as they heal and grow in their ability to trust their intuition and make more authentic decisions moving forward.
In addition to emotional and spiritual healing, Bonnie’s practice includes guidance during significant life transitions. She recognizes that these moments can be particularly daunting and provides both practical strategies and spiritual support to help clients navigate pivotal changes.
“I recognize that life transitions can be particularly daunting. By assisting my clients in understanding the deeper significance of these changes, I help them navigate pivotal moments with grace and assurance. This dual approach eases the uncertainty that often accompanies such transformations, empowering them to embrace new beginnings.”
Her innovative approach, which beautifully highlights the intricate connections between mind, body, and spirit, truly distinguishes her from traditional coaching models that often concentrate exclusively on mindset and success strategies. Though the difficulties of clients’ functioning may manifest externally, the solution presented by these methods is unsustainable without also addressing the internal and spiritual cause of that dysfunction. Bonnie inspires her clients to embrace non-linear strategies to tackle life’s trials that address all three parts of being.
“Traditional coaching often focuses on linear goals and outcomes, which can sometimes feel restrictive. In my practice, I invite clients to explore possibilities and solutions they might not have considered, leading to powerful breakthroughs and new opportunities.”
Bonnie primarily focuses on treating women, forging a path for women burdened by the shadows of their life histories. Bonnie dives deep into the fabric of personal development, intertwining the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual threads that make up our individual stories. In her hands, a space unfolds—safe, welcoming, and devoid of judgment—where women are invited to unearth and confront their scars.
Her mission? To light the way for women navigating through the murky waters of unworthiness, self-doubt, and shame—emotions often rooted in past traumas and societal molds. Bonnie encourages women to challenge and rise above those deep-seated beliefs and feelings. Her strategy is one of liberation, urging women to seize control over their lives with an extraordinary blend of autonomy and a renewed connection to the spiritual realm.
“A big part of my message is to let people know there are alternatives. Healing from the trauma they have experienced is possible—to let them know they have a choice and the power to alter the course of their life.”
Through a blend of therapeutic techniques, cognitive reframing, and the dissolution of negative subconscious patterns, Bonnie helps women develop a new state of being. But Bonnie’s work also moves beyond the individual; she delves into the tangled roots of inherited conditioning and matrilineal wounds, guiding women to confront and heal from generational cycles of constraint and pain. It’s a journey of introspection, challenging age-old narratives and embracing a new self-concept, unburdened by yesterday.
“The limitation associated with inherited, unconscious conditioning encompasses the effects of patterns, beliefs, and wounds that have been passed down through generations, particularly in patriarchal cultures, as well as what we bring forward from past lives. I focus on healing these remnants, addressing the limiting beliefs and paradigms that can deeply affect a person’s sense of autonomy over their life. I also work with healing the emotional and energetic impact of trauma, both personal and collective, by helping individuals understand and release the wounds that may be affecting their well-being. This involves addressing not only individual experiences but also the shared traumas that are embedded within communities and cultures.”
Bonnie believes that fear and resistance to the unknown can often impede this healing journey. People are reluctant to move towards an alternative approach or to consider the spiritual aspect of healing.
“When I began doing this work, energy healing was not widely known or accepted. Practices like yoga, astrology, readings with a medium, or even something like Reiki were unfamiliar and often viewed with fear and suspicion. These reactions are fear-based, rooted in a lack of understanding about the spiritual aspects of this healing work. Instead of being open to the potential benefits these practices offer, many people dismiss them without consideration. However, as I delved deeper into energy healing, I discovered its profound capacity to facilitate emotional and physical well-being. I was inspired by the transformative effects it was having on my own life, and I became passionate about sharing this alternative approach to healing trauma with others.”
Some of the healing modalities Bonnie utilizes include ThetaHealing, IET, hypnosis, activations, success principles, and other energy recalibration processes. Using a combination of techniques, Bonnie creates a plan for recovery, informed by insights gleaned from the non-physical world.
“Trauma affects not only the mind but also the body and our spirit. Healing the spiritual essence is essential, and it involves addressing all aspects of a person’s being—mind, body, heart, and soul. It is about nurturing and exploring a deeper sense of who we are and our greater connection to our higher power.”
She clarifies that “higher power” doesn’t necessarily imply God or organized religion.
“It’s not a higher power dictated by cultural or societal ideals, but a sense of connection to a higher power that can only be found deep within our own selves. We suffer when we are out of alignment with who we are and not nurturing that spiritual part. Everything suffers because of it. When we nurture this connection, it becomes the source from where we experience more ease and joy in our life.”
The mediumship aspect acts as a compass, illuminating the best way or path forward.
“With the connection to the non-physical world, we can get the guidance and the insight and the clarity in terms of what steps to take or how to better approach our lives—what needs to reconcile, what needs to heal, what is the best way to navigate or handle challenges that come up for us along with beautiful, loving messages that foster our resilience.”
Bonnie stresses that asking the unseen world for aid or honoring the wisdom that lies there can help us be more empowered in making decisions and in our lives. That wisdom can narrow down where to begin rather than trying to solve many things at once. It’s with those first steps that the healing begins.
“Everything is always ‘figure-out-able,’ but it’s ‘figure-out-able’ not based on the logical ideas in our mind, but in our willingness to open to an alternative approach, where we trust the guidance, lean into the healing and the support of something that cannot be seen, only felt—it’s the cornerstone of faith.”
Ignoring our pain or pretending something did not happen only allows it to fester and manifest in harmful ways. Undertaking the journey to process the events in our lives is critical since there can be a myriad of consequences that come with unresolved trauma.
“When we have experiences that rupture our psyche, they have an emotional impact. Left to linger within us, this can be very detrimental, manifesting in various aspects of our lives, affecting our thoughts, behaviors, and relationships, affecting our mental, emotional, and physical states of well-being—ultimately hindering our ability to live fully and authentically. Whether it be our human nature or a result of our own beliefs about what we deserve or are worthy of, we lose that curing of shame, we swallow anger, and the full range impact of the experiences. But it doesn’t simply cease to exist; it lives inside of us.”
She explains that the body will store this repressed energy wherever it can, often leading to physical and mental health issues. That repressed energy continues to fester and strain our systems until we are forced to confront our traumas.
“It will store it anywhere that it can fit—into the arms, the legs, the back, hips, the organs. I look at suppression based on the emotional aspect and an energetic state of constriction being held in the body like a toxin or poison inside of the system. When we suppress how we feel, it becomes depressed inside of us, which, over time, can have a wide range of adverse effects, eventually leading to illness and disease. It’s like the body’s way of saying it cannot store the unprocessed pain, the toxin and poison any longer. Anything that is left in this depressive state will eventually disintegrate. Our bodies disintegrate, our spirit disintegrates.”
Bonnie shares how her most challenging times, when her life was “disintegrating,” were accompanied by various health issues, reinforcing her belief in the interconnection between emotional trauma and physical health. Using her abilities as a spiritual medium, Bonnie compassionately helps people unravel what is suppressed inside them and their souls, facilitates a healing process for their renewed vitality in both body and mind, and guides them on their path forward.
Beyond life coaching, transformational programs, and retreats, she also helps people develop their mediumship abilities through her mentorship programs. She believes that we can all tap into mediumship and that we, as human beings, all possess access to this doorway to some degree.
In her view, the ability to connect with the non-physical realm is a natural and inherent part of the human experience, one that has been present in various cultures and traditions throughout history.
Bonnie asserts that our journey to self-realization and spiritual awakening varies for each individual, and respecting and embracing these differences is essential. “I think we all wake up into ourselves in different ways, and we all wake up to the spirit world and our ability to communicate at different times and at the perfect time, too.”
While she offers mentorship to help people connect with the spirit world and foster their mediumship abilities, she says that it is not necessary to take courses to start building that connection independently. However, her guidance can help people overcome common roadblocks and initial challenges.
“One of the key focal points addressed in my programs is overcoming fear-based conditioning. The fear of not being loved or accepted, the fear of potential negative outcomes, or other apprehensions such as the fear of the unknown or the fear of the non-physical aspects of existence. All of which can prevent someone from fully experiencing the beauty and the connection of the non-physical world—the healing, the miracles, all that is intertwined.”
Bonnie has found that her life coaching sessions are enhanced by her spiritual abilities, allowing her to address underlying client issues more precisely. By knowing where to begin, clients can achieve inner fulfillment sooner. These insights can be available to anyone who commits to nurturing their abilities.
“I think it’s a strength that lies in being a medium and what contributes to the success I have in working with my clients. I can tap into the spiritual realm and access those messages from a higher source of wisdom and guidance—messages that may not be readily available to someone. I can bring forward the underlying patterns, beliefs, and traumas hidden from someone, along with repressed or fragmented memories, by connecting with their spiritual essence to gain a deeper understanding of their trauma and help them find meaning and purpose as it resolves.”
She also employs energy healing and somatic practices such as breathwork and meditation, tailoring her methods to each individual’s unique needs.
“We work together to untangle the story of their past, challenge negative conditioning, shift limiting subconscious beliefs, and nurture self-compassion and worthiness. I help women reclaim their power, resolve unprocessed trauma, and emerge resilient and empowered.”
Building trust with her clients is a cornerstone of Bonnie’s approach, recognizing the vulnerability and courage it takes for them to share their most profound truths. Creating a safe and non-judgmental space for a client is the first step in her healing process.
“I have discovered what creates genuine connection and profound trust in my relationship with my clients lies in my willingness to be exceptionally vulnerable and open about my own experiences and the challenges I have overcome. Sharing my story permits women to share theirs. They feel seen. They feel heard. They feel witnessed and understood by someone—often for the first time in their life. Our stories might differ in terms of what happened to us, but the emotional impact of the experience itself is our commonality. The bond of trust forms almost instantly when they are with someone who truly comprehends the impact their life’s circumstances have had on them.”
In greater society, the pandemic brought to the surface many underlying traumas and exacerbated existing imbalances in people’s lives, forcing them to confront issues they might have previously avoided. In a way, it was a catalyst for change or acknowledgment.
“In isolation, there is no distraction. There were no jobs to go to. People were at home, by themselves and their thoughts. For those who have been deeply traumatized or wounded in some way, just like me all those years ago, the past began to clash with the present. People inevitably faced things they hadn’t wanted to confront.”
The instability it generated and the lack of healthy coping skills led many people to adopt other avenues, such as substance abuse, she says. Others started to pursue hobbies, new careers, writing books, and following interests they had not considered before. Many approached her, wanting to understand and grow their connection to the spiritual world, while others finally had the chance to explore their trauma and embark on their healing journey.
“It’s hard not to be impacted by what’s happening around the globe. Whether we define it in terms of the aftermath of the pandemic, political tensions, economic instability, or systemic inequalities, there is a recycling of trauma that’s taking place – intergenerational trauma reverberating through societies, compounding our sense of unease. For someone who has unresolved personal trauma, it has stirred up painful memories and emotions, contributing to a cumulative weight. Hurt people continue to hurt people.”
Bonnie acknowledges the frustration some feel about their inability to prevent these events, emphasizing the importance of focusing on what we can control—our own actions and presence in the world.
“I always come back to the fact that we do have an impact. We can’t necessarily control what’s happening in different parts of the world. Still, we can control how we are showing up to the world around us—how we show up in our own lives, to the people in our lives, and to our communities because this, too, is deeply beneficial. It does support positive change as well. The peace we create in the world around us contributes to creating peace in the world.”
In delving deep into our inner selves and addressing our own woundedness, we not only experience personal growth and transformation but also contribute to the collective well-being. Our healing journey is an act of service to humanity.
“By addressing our emotional, psychological, and spiritual healing needs, acknowledging our pain, and allowing for that to move through us, we help create miracles and answer our prayers for humanity. All we ever have is control of how we show up daily; it matters for our well-being and the people around us. The journey of self-healing becomes a profound act of service, as it ripples out to positively impact the greater human experiences, even when it seems times are most hopeless.”
Every individual’s traumatic experience, regardless of its cause or duration, is valid and impactful. She asserts, “It doesn’t matter if it’s spectral or durational; it matters.” These experiences, which wound us at our core, should never be diminished.
“All aspects of trauma must be considered. No one’s experiences are more or less than anyone else’s. While each story may differ, its impact on the individual, although it cannot be measured, is what truly matters. The key lies in the ability to address, reconcile, and heal from trauma, regardless of its origin – whether it was through abuse, loss, negligence, or abandonment, whether it was physical, mental, emotional, financial, sexual, spiritual, whatever aspect or identifier we might call trauma, we need to closely examine the entire impact, including the energetics. That’s how we heal as individuals and our society as a whole. We experience the traumas of the world around us, whether we are conscious of that or not. We also benefit from the courageous healing journeys of others as well.”
In the realm of addressing adverse childhood experiences, Bonnie champions the remarkable potential of reparenting as a genuinely transformative approach. Although the past remains unchangeable, there is a beautiful opportunity for us to nurture and heal our inner child, fostering growth and resilience in our lives.
“We need to come into a place in our hearts where we can look at our parents compassionately, no longer blaming them for the things that they didn’t provide or did or didn’t do. To witness them operating in their own woundedness and conditioning, instead of the idealism we’ve held of them, is when our true healing can begin—recognizing that they, like us, are the products of their own experiences, traumas, and struggles.
I believe that as individuals, we are only ever doing the best that we possibly can with what we know how to do based on our conditioning—once we know better, we can do better. Cultivating this sense of empathy restores harmony and peace within ourselves. In terms of this, reparenting ourselves can be a valuable skill and way to nurture and care for what was lost for us, especially if our parent(s) were incapable of meeting our emotional needs as children.
Reparenting is a concept that involves learning to provide ourselves with what our parent(s) were not able to give. It aims to fulfill unmet needs from our childhood to support our healing. As an example, a mother who is not capable of fully loving herself will not be capable of fully loving her children. We can only give something to others to the degree that we have it within us. So instead of looking to the mother and casting blame for the ways she didn’t love you, it’s about learning to mother yourself with love. Reparenting involves developing self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-soothing techniques to address the wound inside of you by creating a more nurturing and supportive internal dialogue. You become the sole source and provider for your emotional needs.”
She highlights the importance of a transformative shift in perspective to disrupt the ongoing cycle of trauma, judgment, and misunderstanding that permeates society.
“When looking to break the cycle, I think it’s important to first understand that everyone grapples with their own form of suffering. Behind every person’s action and choice lies a unique and complex narrative that is influencing their behavior and decision making.”
Instead of questioning why a person acts a certain way, it’s more insightful and compassionate to ask what happened to them.
“What happened? What happened to them that is causing them to feel or act this way? ‘What’ expresses care and compassion. ‘Why’ is not a question that can often even be answered. ‘Why’ casts judgment.”
Understanding the origin of someone’s actions is crucial in offering meaningful support and help. Otherwise, the cycle of traumas and the impacting wounding will continue playing out in schools, workplaces, and intimate relationships, as well as continuing intergenerationally.
When it comes to our individual journeys, the power of self-forgiveness is integral to healing and understanding, she stresses. Like an apology when we have hurt someone, self-forgiveness keeps us accountable to ourselves for our actions and behaviors.
“We need to be deeply reflective and consider all the ways we need to forgive ourselves. The process of self-forgiveness played a significant role in helping me transform what happened to me and find peace. Forgive. The two words are in the wrong order. I look at it as ‘giving for.’ Giving for my joy, peace, and well-being; we give it to ourselves. We don’t do it for anyone else.”
“We need to look at self-forgiveness from each side of the coin. Forgiving ourselves for times when we were naive and vulnerable, as well as times when we were bold and took risks and someone got hurt. We need to forgive ourselves for the times we didn’t own up to our mistakes or held on to secrets out of shame for the actions of others.
We need to forgive ourselves for all we held back. But we also need to forgive ourselves for all the ways we spoke up, and maybe our words cast judgment, were unkind, or hurt someone. We need to be accountable for all of it. Everything needs to come under an internal microscope. The toughest thing for me from a spiritual principle of forgiveness, when I was going through my deep healing, was the pressure that I felt about needing to forgive the people who had hurt me.”
Bonnie describes that forgiveness, even of others, is a personal journey, primarily for peace and well-being. Anger that we never truly process is a destructive force.
“The fact that I couldn’t find forgiveness in my heart for them only made me feel even worse about myself. I believed I was a terrible person because I could not forgive my oppressors and abusers. The thing was, for me, what happened was not okay. What they did was not okay with me. What I learned from my journey through this deep reflection and healing work was the concept that forgiveness is for us, that it was an act I needed to extend towards myself, not someone else. We are the only person we ever need to forgive.
We need to let ourselves off the self-judgment hook. We need to no longer crucify ourselves for our past mistakes. We need to apologize where apologies are needed so that everything can become good with our own souls. And then, we begin to offer ourselves mercy, a reconciliation of something deeper inside of ourselves, where when we can allow it, we can finally be at peace.”
It is fascinating how we can sometimes become our own harshest judges, inadvertently hindering our journey toward healing. This self-criticism can create barriers that prevent us from reaching the positive mindset essential for recovery.
“I had to forgive myself for so many things. I had to forgive myself for holding on to other people’s secrets because that was a choice that I made. I had to forgive myself for the unhealthy choices I was making. I had to forgive myself for the ways I was abusing and abandoning myself, for all the ways that I was criticizing and demoralizing myself or believing I was anything less than worthy. I had to stop blaming the world around me and confront the woman looking back at me in the mirror.
I needed to forgive her. Offer her grace and mercy. It was from there that I could find an understanding of the people who had hurt me. Understanding based on what happened to them that caused their actions, not why they did the things they did to me because I was no longer the victim.”
Bonnie says that the key is working towards sustainable healing, defining it as a continuous process that involves consistently applying supportive practices and making conscious choices for well-being. At its core, it truly is a commitment.
“Sustainable healing is an ongoing process. Healing is not linear, nor is it ever complete. Think of it as an ongoing journey that eventually gets easier the farther we travel down the path. It involves finding ways to approach our lives in a conscious way and implementing practices and tools that promote long-term well-being. It involves a holistic approach for long-term positive outcomes. Sustainable healing means we never stop doing the things that help us to feel better.”
She warns against the temptation to abandon healing practices once one starts feeling better, highlighting the importance of maintaining these practices to prevent slipping back into old patterns and behaviors.
“Many of us, including myself, tend to become negligent in doing the things that contributed to our improved state once we start to feel better. When things finally shifted and changed for me, I quit. I quit doing the affirmations. I quit writing in my journal. I dropped my meditation practice. Everything fell by the wayside, and before long, I found myself slipping into old habits of thought, feeling bad about myself, and somewhat defeated by life. The thing is, for our healing to be sustainable, we need to make conscious choices every day that support our well-being—to find practices that enliven us and commit them as non-negotiable. This makes it sustainable, from a temporary fix to being our way of living our life.”
She offers some sage advice for people who are reluctant to seek help.
“More than anything, know this. There are people in the world who will understand and can help you more than you might imagine. Tell someone close to you that you are looking for help and support. That’s the first step. They may not be the individual to help you; however, they can become a way and an avenue to find the help you are looking for.”
The bravery behind acknowledging the need for help and the power of reaching out, even if it’s initially to someone who might be unable to provide direct assistance, cannot be overstated. It may be the small first step toward the path of healing.
“Very often, we fail to seek the help we truly need due to feelings of shame or fear of judgment from others. We worry about what people may think or fear they won’t understand, leading us to believe we are alone in our feelings and suffering. It is important to recognize that these feelings are common. It is also important to know there is always someone listening to what is in our hearts. Call it God, the Divine, your angels and loved ones in spirit. They hear your thoughts and prayers; they know your yearning. The moment you surrender inside of yourself and say, ‘I need help,’ is the moment that everything begins to change. Be open to help showing up in the most unexpected ways, a friend, a neighbor, a medium, an alternative path that makes it possible for the help you’ve been looking for to find you.”
To learn more about her life’s work and her current services, you can visit Bonnie’s website, www.bonniewirth.ca
Moumita Basuroychowdhury is a Contributing Reporter at The National Digest. After earning an economics degree at Cornell University, she moved to NYC to pursue her MFA in creative writing. She enjoys reporting on science, business and culture news. You can reach her at moumita.b@thenationaldigest.com.
